Performance anxiety is one of the things that is really challenging for a lot of couples or a lot of men in particular. But this sexual issue affects both sides; men who are ashamed of it and women who say that they have this problem with men over and over again. It makes them feel like they’re not sexy.
Lack Of Sex Education
One of the things that were a real problem with performance anxiety and getting an erection in our culture is that a lot of people misunderstand what normal is and they think what normal is what they see in pornography. Pornography can do edits and take over and over again until they get it right. Those guys are on a whole lot of Viagra and they can stop the camera anytime there’s any kind of an erection problem. Sometimes the crew has to wait a long time, but you never know about that.
But the truth of what’s normal is that some men take longer to get hard than others. Sometimes, even under the best of circumstances, it just doesn’t want to come out and play.
For many men, it’s completely normal to not maintain a really hard erection throughout the period of intercourse. The problem becomes real when you notice that it’s losing some of its hardness and you begin to panic about that.
If you’re thinking about the woman in front of you and how beautiful she is, then you get an erection. When you’re thinking about the fact that you’re not getting an erection, of course, you’re not thinking about her. It’s that mental dialogue that is the problem.
On the other hand, women also experience this same kind of performance anxiety. The difference is when they’re in their heads, thinking about the fact that they haven’t had an orgasm yet, it prevents them from having an orgasm. For men, it shows up as having difficulty achieving an erection which unfortunately for them, is a lot more difficult to fake.
Here’s a very simple four-step process for dealing with this so that you never have to worry about erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety;
Step 1: Acknowledge It
It’s really important to get it out of your mind. As long as it’s in your mind, you can’t deal with it. Notice it, mention it, crack a little joke or put her at ease and let her know that it’s not her and reassure her that whether or not your erection comes out to play, the two of you can still have a lot of fun and sexual pleasure.
Step 2: Enjoy It
Remember, you’re in bed with a woman you like. There’s no reason that you can’t enjoy yourself plenty and your lack of hardness is not going to affect your ability to have a lot of fun if you focus on having fun.
Step 3: Get Yourself Out Of Your Head
Remember, this is a function of your mind doing the wrong thing. You want to get it out of your head and into your body. To do this, breathe deeply and relax. Focus on all of your sensations in your skin along with your other senses. Look into your lover’s eyes, feel her, give her your focus and hand over all your attention to that.
This is all I need in my life 💞 pic.twitter.com/hHaeKXdoOq
— Sexual Gifs (@TheSexualGIFs) November 12, 2015